All little heaven in you
But now you are far from me
Long wandering over the earth
And along the edge of the sea
Wishing you would come back to me
My heart is gently unraveling
Alone now I wander through chasms of time
Without a comforter

Dolls sit with broken hearts
Because they are unloved
Dolls long to be held and loved
They long for you to play with their dress hems
To roll the fabric between your fingers and sigh
Dolls are lonely creatures
They long to be held and found significant
To be given a place in the house
Little houses can be full of broken hearts
Full of relics and dolls and toys and keepsakes
Full of things that long to be loved
Things that bring peace and comfort
Things that want to make your day brighter
That jump when you play with them
People are that way, and so are dolls
in a lost world they wait longingly on their shelves
Wondering, waiting, watching
For a cricket to rub his legs or the rain to drip down
There are ancient stories in houses full of memory
Sometimes houses are full of pain too
But most houses are full of good memory
Memory like birthday cakes and hot dinners in a dining room
Like embraces and kisses goodbye in a bedroom
Memories of writing poetry at a desk on dark cold nights in an office corner
Memories of lullabies playing softly in a living room

May the fairies bring you magical peace
May your little hut be enchanted
May you value every sunset
May you feel magical in spite of your appearance
May joy fill this house and lightness of spirit
May conversations tinkle like little bells
May there always be something preoccupying
May there be laughter and storytelling
May there be writing and music
May there be food and TV
And may there always be love to guide you
To light the way of all paths
In Jesus' Name,
Amen

Some robin's feathers to warm your feet
All along life's bitter storm
You and I were safe here
And when the storm crashed all around
I did what I had to do to keep you safe
I protected our house with my heart and my mind
I used my thoughts to protect us
A barrier between us and the angry world
So you and I would be safe
Life is deadly and people are cruel
In this mission that ends in death
We are to carry Christ's teachings in the road ahead
In whatever lies before us
Those that do what we were taught to do
That follow Christ's teachings
We often end up dead sooner because
His Way Leads to Paradise
I begin to lose my will to live
As I realize how trapped you and I are
The devil has laid down his snares for me
And I don't know what the afterlife holds
But in my heart I'm letting go
To the things that make others happy
I watch them do violence and feel their wrath
It suggests there is something beyond us
It suggests that they don't know what is going on
And that I have something of value
Something they dearly desire
Something unapparent and invisible
Whatever it is, I believe it is heaven
I believe I am inheriting heaven
That they don't understand God's Laws
And I am grateful that I studied the scripture
That thing that they are trying to get from me
Must surely be the kingdom of heaven
What I don't understand will be revealed
Someday when I'm sleeping under the sun
The laws have constricted the child to the point
That the child struggles to live
And now it may die because of this
And until death it will dearly suffer
All laws are at rest in heaven someday
All laws will be gone and done
I'll be with the one I love the most
In paradise under the sun
In Jesus' Name,
Amen

Baby bunnies sleeping in ruffled newspaper
When a warm smile occurs on your face
Earrings that show off your cheekbones
Shoes baby blue and pink
A Porcelain doll laid away just for you
And she is so happy to see you
Children when they are happy and warm
Doves when they are cooing
Turtles on a log in a sunlit pond
Glass beads cool to the touch
Silver horses running through a snowstorm
A hot meal set down just for you
Fish plipping from under the surface of a pool
That is deep and cold
Waters that seek not to be troubled
Eerie, cold, secret waters
Waters that would bless you in time of need
White clouds reaching across a listless blue sky
And teddy bears warm in the covers
Teddy bears eager for you to get home
And dusky deserts where nothing grows
All the dreams of roads stretching on and on
Roads unexplored that will never be discovered
Rights that will never be realized
Dreams that will never come true
Children that will never be born
All rent the fabric of life has been torn
My love for you like a lead weight on a fishing line
Holding down the lure and tackle
Like somehing given from God
And bees busily feeding their hive
Administering to the flowers with little fuzzy feet
Feet that move with the sureness of the apocalypse
Or me when I cross a precipice
Or circumvent a hole too deep to fathom
Or you when there's a hot meal on the table
Or bunnies snuggled against their mothers
Or chickens when they have enough corn
Or leaders when they are leading
Like dawn when everyone is excited to wake up
And day when there is much to do
Like feet that are happily resting
Or stews to hungry mouths
Like candles lit at christmas
Or me when I get to go shopping
Happiness
In Jesus' Name,
Amen

A basket full of ducklings in the summer sun
Or bread with butter on a table
Soft drapes and an armchair with a book and a blanket
Pools surrounded by green grass
Relatives that are happy to see you
And Pizza when you're hungry
 The ocean in all its magnificence
This little cove wih waves lapping her shores
The world when the face of night is upon it
And darkness in the face of treachery
All light when it peaks over the horizon
And people drowning who are rescued
Clasping hands reaching down to pull you up
When you are drowning in cold water
Hands that have blankets and food
Hands that can take you home
Hands that dry you off and put you by a heater
And place a puppy at your feet
A puppy that longs to be held
A puppy that has no owner
A puppy that you can hold in your arms
And a warm car that you can get into
A car with heat and a backseat
A car window you can look out of
And wonder what led you to this point
And wonder why you are here
Why God intended this destiny for you
And soon you are back home
Warm hands to give you a hot bath
And Pajamas to snuggle into
Blue pajamas with lace sleeves
And a soft bed to get into
A light to turn out when you are tired
And another soft day
Someone who will cook you breakfast
Someone fat and merry
In Jesus' Name,
Amen
The pain that flows over the rocks
Is enough to stop time in its tracks
To cancel out that which was won
And overthrow those that control all things
The pain was powerful and intense
And in all things, suffering
You putting up your hair to wash the dishes
You cleaning softly in the adjoining room
This war was bitterly fought
And nothing was won
The silent way you putter about the house
Encompasses for me all of life's meaning

The thought of my father suddenly afraid
Fills my heart with compassion
That my father could ever be afraid
Or that I could somehow comfort him
That I might bring him some comfort
In a time when all was lost
That thought fills my heart with dreams

Little egg nog little boy
Little gentlemen children seated at a small wooden table
With black velvet caps and matching velvet jackets
And little cropped velvet breeches
Mushroom caps stuffed with cream cheese and parmesan cheese
And baked in the oven for fifteen minutes
Children who like popsicles and graham crackers
Children who cry when things are too hard

 My true love is dandelion clocks on the shore of the sea
Long nights alone have taught me these things
They have taught me that suffering is the meaning of life
That no suffering is too great to bear
And nothing is without the will of God
Now alone, and then alone
I watch the passing of time
You are a rhyme that makes me giggle
You are a promise in my mind
The temples that killed you are put behind me
And in eternity they are cast behind me
That which drained my life shall drain me no more
And I shall laugh at death
The rivers that run through this wilderness
Reveal a sunken tragedy
They tell me of waters beyond here
And how this life is really of little significance
How one life can add up to many lives
And life can start anew
The flowers that bloom today so bright
Are here tomorrow dying
And in their death a memory
That leaves me here alone
Little worry, however, for in eternity
He waits for me forever
That which you see you do not see
And that which you know is not what it is
So that in light all is obliterated
And in nothing will I find my answers

Some little army men to put in your living room
To prowl through the shores of the carpet
Like worlds uncovered that were left unexplored
And women left unraped or pillaged
Like children who really had a chance
And old people growing ever older
Just like this, our army men will explore the carpet
They'll never escape their doom
In Jesus' Name,
Amen
That devil with which you build your temples
Will surely lead you to nought
All these pleasures are fleeting
All these rivers will dry up
All seas will boil before its done
And all will fade away
The earth's crust is breath on a windowpane
And you are my sleeping beauty
All these things that make us happy
Will be gone before we know it
And then you and I will laugh together
For that will be a brighter day for me
All thoughtful I pace this lonely shore
Like my only gaurdian
The only comforter is me now
And my child is having trouble
So let me be for I am watching something
A phenomenon that tells me something
Maybe someday I will come back home
But I'm learning about this thing
And when my day is done
I'll fall into your arms
The silver treasures of the world
Will help me keep this lonely vigil
Until all's done, Farewell, dear friend
I'll meet you on time's everlasting
In Jesus' Name,
Amen

The sign you're seeking for will never come
Just ding dong out fading into history
All that's lost is lost and you are here
And in the darkness is found eternity
That blank look you see looking back at you
Is something you do not understand
You will never understand it
No matter how many times you look at it
It is the reason you were born
It is the reason all candles are snuffed out
And is one reason for the apocalypse
It is the reason people die
And why noone knocks on your door
It is the reason you are ashamed to bathe or speak
It is an unbreakable barrier
Something you can neither penetrate nor understand
It just is what it is
Your loss is the loss of all things that pray
And the lost of the brightest star
In it was eclipsed your own light itself
And in it your dearest hope forgotten
All things lead to it and nothing is left
So just sit and look at the wall
For some people looking at the wall is all there is
Because it is the only thing left to do
Just stare at the wall and prepare to face God
because this has become the test of your life
Staring at the wall is your challenge

The creaky boats where the sails blow out across the water
Led far away from here
Journeying to a shore so distant
That the journey is never reached
Just wandering softly through the night
And putting space between what was behind
To travel without reaching a destination
To journey to familiar shores
To wander like ships in the night
With nowhere to belong
A hopeless wanderer without sight nor sound
But you and I will not be there
I hope God damns those who did these things
For these things caused my destruction
Schizophrenia is a riddle that breaks your heart
When you are trying so hard to get well
It is a surgery, then it is a torment
Then it is wandering with no answer
The God of all things wants me to wander
Like a thing that has found no harbor
Like something rent or torn or faded
That noone could ever want
No more caring who was listening
No more caring for who could hear me
Just thought all flowing over my heart
Just wandering without aim
Noone cares about me any more
Noone wants to be my friend
It doesn't impoverish me too much
The creaking of the stair
The attic with the astrolabe
And me growing colder through time
Colder because I'm further away from love
And growing further each day
A little dandelion will catch me up
And blow me safely away!

The lost look on a doll's face
When you walk out of a room
Not unlike the look on my face
Or the way the room loses its colors
Like the sun setting on a cold dry winter day
When the wind beats the dead grasses in an aimless way
Like a puppy waiting for someone dear to come out and play
Or a bunch of caramel and toffee piled up in ornate wrappers
Like babies pretending to be asleep when they are really listening
Listening to the soft breathing of the drafty house and the sunlight passing
Like mysteries that beckon darkly with the hope of being discovered
Like pink hair ribbons sitting in a drawer on your birthday
Or streamers before a party or coffee cake before guests arrive
Like me sitting here waiting for you to come in here and find me
But you never really find me, so I spend my life alone
Like a little house when nobody is home
In Jesus' Name,
Amen
Little gifts wrapped in red and gold foil
Little metal grasshoppers with gears that moves them
And play music when you wind them up
Metal Butterflies that move their wings with gears
The one you love smiling up at you gratefully
And thanking you with all their heart
Bracelets cool to the touch and rings with big flowers
Chicken and mango and cold drinks on a hot day when you've been working
Children squealing with joy when you look at them
And people dancing in the streets in purple silk clothes
Women throwing flowers and pastel confetti out of high windows
People chewing on fried chicken legs on the curb
Trees drinking up moisture in a cool shady grove
And squirrels jumping from tree to tree
Fried okra and macaroni and cheese in little cups
And little hermit crabs in seashell shops
Seashell shops where seashells cost ten cents each
And you can pick up a basket and pick out a bunch of shells
Containers of different types of shells and starfish and sea creatures
Hot egg rolls and Lo Mein noodles in chinese take out boxes
Passionate kisses before leaving for work
Elaborately gilded books filled with poems and illustrations
Feathers and leather streamers for hair
Roses for women's hair combs
Turquoise anklets with bear and animal charms
Hair sticks to hold up a loose piles of hair
Bracelets with long strands of beads trailing down from the wrist
Marinated Mushrooms used in place of hamburger patties
A Collection of Nutcracker dolls to protect a house year round
Shish kebabs with chunks of Chicken and steak and pineapple and tomato
Tabletop fireplaces that you can turn on and off
Little smokies boiled in barbecue sauce as cocktail weenies
Ten cent feeder goldfish being bought as pets and taken care of
Sidewalk chalk drawings of flowers all over a driveway
Books ot thousands of beautiful stickers
And someone to send them to in handwritten stationary notes
Printing out recipe cards as gifts to people who cook
Printing paper doll sheets from google image search and cutting them out on the floor
Candies in the shape of fruits
Christmas calendars with little animal figurines behind each number
Fruit-flavored chocolates
Fresh fruit dipped in chocolate
Peanut butter custard pie
Paper streamers and balloons decorating walls on a birthday
Pork chops sauteed with apples and cinnamon and butter
Watermelon scooped out with an ice cream scoop
Little red eared slider turtles as pets

Spring Coming
My little bluebird on my finger
Its orange breast  heaving up and down
Feeding it berries and peanut butter
Watching it fly away
Little seedlings peeking up out of the earth timidly
Rolling out a wheel of pottery clay
Writing in books embellished with gold
Little birds waking up to the warmth of the sunlight
Hopping about on the grass
People coming and going down the sidewalk
Darting in and out of their homes
The trees waking up to the coming spring
And the bare branches starting to wake up
Cooking meats and vegetables in skillets
Cleaning rooms and letting sunlight stream in
Opening old containers and redecorating in pastel colors
glass bottles and vases and blue and white porcelain
Eating less to lose a little weight for summer
Spring coming

I went to you but you turned away
And now my heart is unraveling itself
Losing the part that made me me
And making me into something unloved
Letting my heart unwind and float out to sea
Like a boat who must suddenly be going
But where you go my heart goes with you
And where I cannot follow I sit and listen
Listen to the soft drippings of rain
The earth crying with me
I lose the part of me that was you
And the part of you that was me
I'll cast my net into a greener waters
Where a little lamb shakes his bells
The one who comes to me will be my friend
The one who comes is the one to tend to
Raggedy Ann and Andy are all worn out
And so I listen to your stories
Listen to the tales of other creatures
As they come in and out of the seaweed
There is peace here like many seashells
Gathered on the brink of the sea
When danger comes you and I will be together
We'll hold hands and listen to the sounds of eternity
The sounds of eternity playing upon this house like a shell
A shell full of whispers of the memory of the sea
These days spent in quiet passing are gifts to me
Gifts dearly treasured by the edge of the sea
Clam chowder for you when you are feeling afraid
And bacon corn muffins with butter
Kisses for your little bruises when you are tired
And something warm to drink
The wind is blowing out over the water
The wind brings in news and warmth
Soon the wind will be full of new voices
The voices of the born and hatched
Time wheels by on its pendulum

When the aliens invaded Earth, there was oppression
And many people died and were afraid
But as time passed, a beautiful thing happened
The people all joined hands and started singing
Singing together, filled with joy, the planet prayed
Singing and praying and holding hands together
The young and the old, the strong and the weak
Giving joyeous praises to God
They raised their voices and sang to the heavens
And smiled so big like little children
No longer afraid of the shadow that fell across the earth
They sang with the joy in their hearts
Grateful to be alive, this was a joyeous time
The aliens watched from afar
Whether they would destroy us all was no longer relevant
For we had all begun to sing songs of happiness
Songs ringing off the mountaintops
Poems trickling down the stones
Into crevices where peoplle recieved uplifting messages
Messages of hope and faith
Songs of light and laughter and joy
Songs of grattitude for life itself
We sang and sang and it didn't matter anymore
The fear had been blown away by the beauty of singing
And I sang along with them under the close watch of God
And all was well with the earth
And Peace on Earth rang out like little bells
And you and I sang together
We sang together under the stars
Sang in the face of death
And it didn't matter anymore
The universal brotherhood of the Earth
In Jesus' Name,
Amen

If I could go to you
I'd wade out into the water to meet you
I'd run to you and throw my arms around your neck
We'd walk in the rain holding hands
And We'd jump in the puddles with yellow galoshes on
We'd kayak to the far side of the island
And follow the warpath of a shooting star
We'd trace the springs of cold water to their source
And bow in the face of divinity
We'd pray when we came to the chasms of the cathedral
Silently praying together
When the treetops closed in around our path
We'd take hands and go in further
But you are nowhere to be found
Your voice is a leaf in the flapping wind
Your song is the warmth in my beating heart
Your war is whatever I am doing
Your eyes are whatever I'm looking at
Your ways are whatever my heart longs for
And when I am crying it is you that comforts me
And in darkness you my only light
The sea beats on the shore with longing
The sea against the cold black rocks
You and I wil be ready when the end comes to us
We will be ready without any apology
You and I think carefully before we speak
We give with generous hearts
You are the spirit that lives inside me
The breath that moves my body
Where you are I cannot explain
You are the luck that protects me
I will never fear evil because of your presence
You are lovingly watching over me
In darkness I stumble not
In trouble I have your comfort
No weathers nor winds can blow me down
For you are here, oh you are with me
Oh Spirit everlasting
In Jesus' Name,
Amen
Cruelty is fathomless
It's a substance deep and terrible
Something that groans when the mountaina raise up
When they press up through the earth
Cruelty is God punishing us
It's God speaking through those that harm us
Cruelty is a sweet dream
It's waking up with nothing
It's having nothing and nowhere to go
Cruelty is God's way of dealing with pain
I pray when it happens
I sit and feel the pain when people strike me
I feel it, I listen to what I am being given
That is all that one can do
The rain that falls on the dry quenched earth
Knows something that makes cruelty benign
Something that makes it unable to pursue its dark interests
It knows that the snares are set in vain
That even if a person suffers, it does no real difference
It doesn't impoverish the spirit that lives in them
The spirit of a person goes on and on
I wrote these books about love and the heart
I wrote about how love eventually conquers all
I still believe in love after all the suffering
I am no longer worried about the afterlife
If good, good, if bad, bad
But the truths that are represented are eternal
And in the darkness there is light
And in the light there is darkness
And in the desperate acts of those that kill
The humble growth of inhibited hope
In you sprang up a thousand seeds
In you the theory of the apocalypse
In me, the realization of a thousand wounds
And all that was inside you
The destroyer springs up its snares in vain
And on this crystalline fact lay the ideals
Like candles in a candelabra
They uphold the truths that cause all life
Blueblack horses crossing a wide meadow
To get to the other side
In blueblack horses the hope of the world
The reason for the changing seasons
When blueblack horses run across the plain
God's heart soars like the clouds in the sky
In you a blueblack horse to see you through
In you the secrets of eternity
Children are born and when they suffer
God is with them in their trials
That which you were given was assigned to you
Don't trouble yourself too much
All things coming or going
All things crying out the brotherhood of mankind
The toys that made me smile so bright
Will someday be gone
And in me the suffering of that which kills
In me the bringing to birth
In you the killing of the innocent
The death of the sparrow
When he dies, then I shall die too
No longer afraid of death
Asleep, asleep, and that is all
Just falling off to sleep
Your silence marks the design of all things
It marks the reason you were born
God willing, we will go on
But God not willing, we die
All things died that cruel night
But I believe he did it out of stupidity
Maybe because of the wrongs that were inflicted there
Maybe i deserved it
But either way, now I head for the far shore
I must continue my journey alone
My paths are blessed and my companion
He is grateful for what he has
I think Theodore is my soulmate now
When I look up at the sky, I see his face
In Jesus' Name,
Amen
The peace of the rain falling down
And all my revenges
I am not sorry for my revenges
But they make me deeply sad
Sometimes one gets a just revenge
And then feels sad
All this was lost in the great architecture of it all
I am losing parts of myself
I am losing the physical body that has carried me
It is falling to the dust
Soon it will no longer exist
Soon I will be gathered back into eternity
But you, you will wear flowers in your hair
I'll give you something of great value
Something that fills your belly up
Something nourishing and warm
And in this nourishing and warm you'll stay alive
In that truth I will find my peace
And when it is lost the wind will scatter it
You and I will be lost upon the sea
Our bodies cast aside like easter grass
We will become the thing we sought to please
Then there will be help and meaning
Then I will set you free
In Jesus' Name,
Amen
When I see you there suffering I feel less pain now
Because I know it's just an illusion of the mind
I know your spirit lives on and on in eternity
And that gives me peace
Maybe the kindest thing I could do
Is to sit beside you and join you
So we will suffer together
We will share what we have together
in Jesus' Name,
Amen

I loved you dearly like running water
Falling over my quenched heart
I loved you like the deer in the meadow at sundown
Like rivers flowing to my shore
The thing that destroyed you destroyed me too
And it will destroy us again and again
It destroyed our brother Theodore
And it destroyed our house
Our house was dearly beloved
We shall miss it
Someday you and I will walk in the sun
Someday when our time is done
I hope we laugh about now
I hope we throw things and make messes
In eternity there is you and I on a playground
We are forever making mudpies
You are one of my soulmates
In Jesus' Name,
Amen
A little cottage where you can just sit and be happy
And in the dusk you come to me
When all seems lost and fallen apart
You hold me in your arms
The world falls and falls all around me
The disasters are so many I get confused
A storm that blows all around me
And there seems to be nothing left
I hope you will hold me when all is lost
I hope you keep me safe
I am learning to trust you slowly
That you know what is best
In you the feeling of safety
The beating of the drum
The attackers come and come
In my heart, there is only you
When I was lost I reached for your hand
And found it among the ruins
My body has forsaken me
I am waiting to be destroyed
Yet in all hope, some tragedy
In what you have, the possibility of light
Things that hurt us are overcoming us
They are getting closer and closer
Soon they will be upon us
Soon I will relinquish my breath
It makes me wonder If God is what He is
It makes me look for another
One who understands the plight of the misfortunate
A God of love and compassion
This God is a God of revenge and wrath
Lord knows my heart is breaking
The things I am setting down before him
The ways I pray with all of my heart
My destruction comes surely soon
I cannot last much longer
The people who speak are consuming me
They are taking control of my future
They are trying to kill me
I am afraid of them
In all things, we were trapped here
And the kind has become unkind
All this sorrow has eclipsed me
These people are upon us
The spark, the spark, but the spark is dying
The spark is being put out
The life will be gone if things don't get better
And there will be no more to say
In Jesus' Name,
Amen